Friends

On Thursday night while the kids were running around the house like whirling dervishes it dawned on me that the classroom cupcakes had not been attended to. This involves no less than FIVE DOZEN cupcakes and was complicated by the fact that Manuel was already out of town; and thus the household was without a driver. Thankfully Harris Teeter had just that many sitting around and my friend Johanna was kind enough to procure said cupcakes. Despite the fact that I happen to know she had about 80 million other things to do it seemed somehow fitting. The kids call her, Jomama. When they were babies she came over at around 11 each night to help us with feeding and catch some West Wing reruns. Feeding two babies was for a while a three person job involving nursing, pumping, bottles, puking etc…. Jonathan’s routine was suck-suck-sleep and Rebecca’s was suck-suck-scream. Johanna also carried Jonathan, whom she now teaches violin, in a baby bjorn on the beach in Port Jefferson. And for the friendship coup she was a part of a Ecology and Evolution speaker reception from hell (at least for me). The ludicrous pediatrician had prescribed the kids each a different cocktail of steroid nebulizers. Let’s just say that one year old twins, little glass vials that have to be cracked, two nebulizers, and two 30 something viola players in a room is kind of crack house meets romper room…

That evening combined with Manuel’s facebook post made me think a lot this weekend about what a collective project these children have been. Manuel wrote that “8 years ago today. back when Dr. Quirk was the MAN in our life and the CVS was (literally) under our feet. I think of the people who carried the four of us through those first days-weeks: Joyce, Richard, Pam, Chris, Sergio, Isabel, Jomama, and the others whom I can't recall: Thanks.” Rebecca and Jonathan were our miracle babies and they were a collective project for our friends and families. Here’s just a few things I remember from those early weeks. Some of the people who were so important in those times are barely a part of our lives any more but every so often I still think about them. I’m going to leave aside for a moment our families including my immediate family not because they don’t matter but because I could never do it justice. It is impossible to imagine these kids without my parents and my sister—all three of whom did all the hard labor normally reserved just for parents, middle of the night feedings, doctors visits etc…

It is not an exaggeration to say that we owe our babies to Dr. Quirk; while I was pregnant I saw more of him that I saw of most of my friends and I have never had a better doctor. The nurse Laura was equally heroic…

I realized in thinking about 2003 that while I was on bed rest or had newborn twins my friends Kirsten, Katie, Monique and Sarah all came to stay with us and help us out.

The number of friends who came at just the right moment is staggering; Martha M with gourmet sandwiches all the time who named Jonathan bug-eyes, Ann and Gary who came to see the babies almost every day and quickly became our number one stop on any forey out of the house, Sara who treated them like they were her own….. We even had their bris/naming ceremony at her house. Lilly who was a new mom with me….

Tammy Slobodkin appeared somewhat magically with a bassinette that had belonged to her 50 year old twins. It was the night we took one look at those tiny things in the crib and decided it was way too big for them! They shared it for almost three months.

Sister Mary, whoever she is, prayed for Rebecca in the NICU. I usually feel very uncomfortable when people say “I’ll pray for you” But we were pretty happy about the card on Rebecca’s NICU bed.

There were of course plenty who came at the wrong time who will go unmentioned. But note to friends of twin parents or preemies; do not complain about the trials of diaper rash or come to visit on the day of vaccinations and extoll the virtues of exclusively breast-feeding to moms of kids born without suck swallow reflexes. If you are going to scream every time a tiny-reflux-baby pukes do not come and visit. And if you have a junior colleague with a new baby don’t make them go to un-necessary meeting if they are on “medical leave.” The there is a special place in hell for the Neo-Natal resident who made the mistake of explaining to me in a monotone that my 12 hour old baby probably had either cystic fibrosis, a missing intestine, or some other horrible thing I’d never heard of. But I digress….

Manuel’s lab brought us dinner twice a week for almost three months. I’m pretty sure that was Isabel’s initiative. And it was perfect…

The woman who worked in the Port Jefferson Starbucks gave me free skin latte’s about once a week just because my kids were cute!

Courtney gave me almost everything I needed for twins.

And I could go on and on and on……